I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
