Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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