i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
