I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
