It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
