Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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