My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
