i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
