hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had to coat check the pizza.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
