k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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