Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
