I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize