just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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