**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
