D3 body, D1 cock
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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