Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
