there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
