guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
