I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
