Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
