Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
