Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
