I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
