I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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