masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
