I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
