I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
