ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
