so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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