I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
