At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
