their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
