I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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