I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
