Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
