in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
