took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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