i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
soo... how was my night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
