did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
