Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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