LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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