im drinking this country out of the recession.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
