The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
