If i come over, it means nothing
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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