Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
