so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
