Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If that was your dad, he is hot
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
