This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
