in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
