Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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