if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
