We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
