She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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